please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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