i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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