the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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