Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize