I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was CRYING into my vagina
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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