My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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