I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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