i permit you to call me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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