Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize