Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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