When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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