lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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