My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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