I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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