Got a toothbrush?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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