i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you didnt know i had herpes?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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