dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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