On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize