I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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