What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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