She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize