i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize