Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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