I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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