FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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