Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize