I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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