I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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