So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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