he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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