i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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