so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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