mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize