look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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