Someone shit on the floor
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
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I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And then he peed in my hair
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