I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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