I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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