OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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