Don't you send me to vm
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize