I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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