why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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