My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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