fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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