Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize