Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize