I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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