I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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