I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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