ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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