like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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