omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize